4. New Home
We stopped for coffee on the drive. Cici called to tell me they were catching up with me, and there was coffee ahead, so I took the next exit, stretching my legs until they arrived. From there, the next stop was her new apartment.
The complex she'd selected was attractive. She was on the top floor, overlooking the pool, which was a great location except for carrying the boxes and the TV up. Over the last few weeks, Brooke and she had selected furniture, and it had already been installed. There was a small table with chairs beside the kitchen, a full size bed, a computer desk in the study, and folding chairs in the living room. Sitting on the folding chairs for an extended TV viewing session wouldn't be comfortable.
"You need to set up a webcam," I said.
"Where?" Cici asked. "Please tell me you don't want to stalk my bedroom."
I laughed. "Outside. Watching the pool. Then I can stalk you sunbathing or studying in your skimpy swimsuit."
"I don't have a skimpy swimsuit."
"Then I think you need an extra birthday gift," I said.
She grabbed my hand as Brooke and I were leaving to pick up more boxes. "Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked, quietly.
"If you like, honey," I said. "Being alone in a new place is sucky."
"I feel almost guilty," Cici said. We were alone in her apartment. I'd returned the van, and Brooke had left. Her eyes were bright. "Or I don't, but I feel like I should feel guilty. You know?"
"Umm, no, I don't think I do," I said.
"I didn't have to lie to Mamá," she said, "so I don't have to feel guilty about it, but I'm not used to that. I don't have to worry about my roommate. I'm in my apartment, and I'm not following anyone else's timetable. I'm in my apartment, with my girlfriend."
"Your girlfriend needs to get a shower," I said. "Oh. Do you have everything unpacked for that? I should have thought to check if you need soap and towels."
Cici took my hand and led me to the bathroom. Inside were towels, shampoo and toiletries all in their proper place. "Huh. It's the only room that's finished," I said.
"Right," said Cici. "Take your shower."
I showered and changed into the tee shirt I'd brought, then lay on the bed, scrolling on my phone while Cici showered. She returned in a long tee, her curls damp with a sweet floral scent as she lay beside me.
"I was thinking about what you said," I began.
"What about?"
"Not feeling guilty. Or, at least, not feeling beholden to anyone. You realize, we've known each other almost a year now, we've been girlfriends for months, and we've really only been on one date."
"Freezing our culos off at the holiday lights."
I laughed. "It wasn't that cold. But yes. I'd like to start going out with you. Dating for real. Movies, dancing, dinners, zoos, whatever. On a budget, though."
She rolled toward me and ran a finger down the front of my tee. "Bars, too, now," she said. "Twenty-one, remember, cariño? You can take me to the famous drag show!"
"I can and I will," I agreed.
Her finger found my navel and poked the stud through the fabric of my top. "But I won't wait for the third date to make love to you. I want to make love to you right now."
I nuzzled her damp curls. "I want it, too, mi amor."
"I want to..." Her eyes were following her finger, not meeting mine, and I noticed her cheeks were coloring.
"What do you want, honey?" I asked.
"I want to do what you did at Christmas," she said. "I, uh... I want to lick you."
The spike of arousal was so sharp I may have shivered. "I'd like that, Cici. If you're sure."
She nodded. "Will you take your clothes off?"
"Of course, sweetie," I said, beginning to unfasten my top.
Her eyes drank in the sight of me as I slowly lifted my tee over my head, then stepped out of my panties.
"Eres tan hermosa," she murmured.
I frowned. "I'm your sister?"
Cici laughed. It was a silver sound. "¡Hermosa!" she said. "Beautiful. Hermana is sister. "Eres tan hermosa. No eres mi hermana. No adoraría los pechos de mi hermana."
My mind gave up halfway through that. She sat up and took off her tee. She wore nothing underneath. My eyes feasted on her dark golden skin with darker nipples, and the black triangle between her legs.
"¿Eres... tan... hermosa?" I suggested.
"Thank you," she said. "Sí, es correcto. Eres tan hermosa."
"Eres tan hermosa," I repeated, with more confidence.
Cici lowered her face to begin kissing my breast. "These are also very beautiful," she said, giving me a mischievous look, her lip brushing my nipple. Then she began to suckle, reaching out to cup my other breast.
Rolling all the way onto me, she kissed my lips hungrily, each hand wrapped around a breast, kneading firmly as we kissed. I ran my palms down her back to cup and squeeze her butt.
We were soon both breathing heavily. Cici made a groan of protest as she moved her mouth back from mine and slid down my body, even though it was her choice. She again suckled each breast, this time toying with the barbells, letting them stretch and twist. I felt the click of her teeth against the jewelry.
Then she planted a single kiss between my breasts. Looking up at me, she asked, "Shall I?"
"Yes, please," I breathed. "I really want this."
She slid down my body, pausing to toy with my navel for a moment before moving all the way down to my shaved pussy. "Esta también es hermosa," she murmured, as she gazed at it.
Pressing her lips to my slit, she gave it a quick kiss, then looked up at me, mischief in her eyes again. She planted kisses up and down my lips, then extended a tongue and gave a quick lick, playfully, before meeting my eyes again. After a moment, she extended her tongue further, licking all the way along, pressing just hard enough to part my lips.
Moving her fingers to my sex, she parted my lips again, then ran her tongue along slowly, before looking up. "You taste good," she said. Her voice seemed rougher than it had. "This is, um, exciting."
"Honey, believe me, you're exciting me, too," I murmured.
She gave me a quick, delighted smile, then returned to licking.
Arousal buzzed and built in my chest. I was making a small sigh with each breath, and the signs of my growing need were clearly pleasing Cici. She kept looking up, the smile on her face seeming more knowing each time.
She backed away a few inches. Licking a finger, she traced it around, letting it travel over the outside of my sex, then prying my lips up, letting them slip back as she drew the finger back over them. She toyed with my piercing, caressing with a finger on each side of it. I moaned softly.
Eyes on me again, she extended and stiffened her tongue and began to lick my clit directly, while still stroking my piercing. "Oh, fuck," I groaned. She seemed to love the way I squirmed when she lapped up and down. I began to pant. If she did that much longer, I was going to come, and she knew it. She pressed her lips to me and sucked. My thighs clenched and I pressed up against her mouth.
Moving back, she watched me as my breathing slowed, then she kissed again, making me cry out. "Do you like that?" she asked, softly.
"Awww... Cici, it feels so good."
"Will it make you come?" she asked.
"Oh yeah, honey, I'm so close."
"I want to make you come," she whispered, then closed her lips on me one last time. Her lips and mouth moved, and I lost control, crying out her name as my body spasmed.
She kept licking until I touched her cheeks, lifting her face from me.
"Kiss me," I breathed, and she willingly levered herself up my body to lie on my chest as our lips met.
"Te amo." Cici was curled against me, her lips against the back of my neck as she spoke.
"También te amo, mi amor," I replied.
She chuckled. I felt the softness of her breasts against my back. "You're getting better," she said. "I'm so comfortable with you. Samara."
"More comfortable than you were with me in your tiny college bed?"
"Mmm." Her lips touched my shoulder. "I hope you're okay with a full sized bed," she said. "It was much less expensive, and I still have other furniture I need. Brooke pointed out that it's only as long as my twin in my college apartment, and that you were too long for that."
"Brooke is picturing us both in your bed, is she?" I asked. I took her hand in mine, stroking it with my thumb.
"Mmm," Cici said. "She's like my big sister as well as my friend. She wants me to be happy. She..." she was silent for several seconds. "She asked me if I was going to ask you to move in."
My heart skipped a beat. "Oh, she did?"
"Mmm," she said again. "But I'm not ready for that. It would be hard with my family around."
"Yeah." I sighed. "Maybe you should stay with me more. I fit fine in a full size bed, as long as I can curl up, but I fit better in the queen at my apartment."
"I don't have a car. You'd have to pick me up and bring me home."
"Oh, that's right," I said. "One day, maybe."
I moved her hand to place it on my breast.
"Maybe I should set up a camera, like you said," said Cici. Sleep was beginning to claim her voice.
"To watch the pool?"
"No, to watch me. I miss my stalker. You make me feel safe."
I could really get used to waking up with Cici, I decided. Mostly, I liked waking up to her smile. It made the day brighter. When I left for my own apartment I could still picture the warmth of her smile. There was a spring in my step when I returned to work at the salon the next day. Elaine and Phil both commented on it.
Cici took Brooke to pick up some items she wanted from her parents' house. She had been half expecting that her mother wouldn't even let her in, but when she'd shown up, her tornado of a young brother had dragged her inside, and her mother didn't offer any objections, though she was clearly displeased, according to Brooke.
We went out on traditional dates. We saw the live action "How to train your dragon," and "Ballerina." We visited the arboretum and the Lion. I introduced Cici to Cade at the Lion, after warning her that Cade was an ex. They connected well, having shared a lot of experiences in college and in life that this white girl hadn't.
I hadn't known if she had been serious about installing a camera. I thought she might have been halfway to dreamland when she mentioned it, so I asked, and she said she was quite serious. She didn't know how she'd really feel about letting me watch her. She thought it would be worth experimenting, provided that only I could see the image, and that it wasn't saved in the cloud.
After much web searching I found a cheap indoor camera that fit the bill. It had motion tracking, connected to wifi, and was managed by an app. It had an option to save to the cloud, which required a monthly subscription, but I didn't want that anyway. We set it up in Cici's living room. The camera base twisted as it moved, so we taped it to a bookshelf.
We usually only spent the night together after a date, and that was always at Cici's, since I could drive myself home. So I got to see her apartment coming together, both when I stayed over and when I checked the camera. If Cici was home when I connected to the camera she'd see the lens turning and would wave to me. Sometimes she would flash the camera as she'd done on the green so many months ago, and until she lifted her shirt I'd not know if she was wearing a bra.
Me: "You 🥵🥵😛🕶️ You forgot your 👙 again you naughty exhibitionist!"
Cici: "Oops, so I did! I hope you closed your eyes!"
The camera was angled so that if she was working at her desk with the study door open I could see her. I would zoom the camera in on her thoughtful expression. Sometimes she'd look up, her glasses toward the camera, and smile at me. Sometimes she kept her head down and seemed to have no idea that she was being observed.
When I did spend the night at Cici's, I would have to move her rag doll off her bed. She'd had the doll for as long as she could remember, and she'd collected it from her parents' place. I would apologize to the doll, and find something to put over its eyes and possibly its ears so it couldn't see us, which had Cici rolling her eyes and laughing. Sometimes it was Cici's bra that I used, fastening it around the doll's body with its head stuffed into a cup.
On Mondays we visited Gabby's. I'd become more comfortable with not feeling so out of place among the college kids, while Cici was actively becoming more social than she had been for the past four years. As a student herself, she found the club a great resource.
She hadn't come out to her parents, of course. It made me nervous, particularly after what Brooke said about how hard it would be for Cici finally to make the break. It didn't affect us like it had done when she was living with them at Christmas, and so far she hadn't been concerned about being seen in public with me. Her reasoning was that she didn't want to lose access to her young siblings. They'd already lost their big brother Elián.
But even if we were dating openly and meeting her friends, even if she was fully out at the job she'd now started, even if she was comfortable at Gabby's and the Lion, there was still part of her life where she was in the closet and that I couldn't share with her. It was a source of stress for both of us. I couldn't see her if she'd planned to visit her parents. Even worse, her sister Inés would visit, sometimes at short notice, and I'd have to leave in a hurry. Fortunately, she always called or texted first.
Though we tried to keep the topic from becoming too contentious, we fought about it once. I'd stopped by her apartment after work with a bag of groceries I'd picked up to cook for her. I used my own key to let myself in.
Instead of Cici being thrilled to see me, she was furious.
"¡Joder! Sam! What are you doing here? Why didn't you call?"
I was thunderstruck. Cici had never been angry with me before. I honestly didn't recall seeing her angry with anyone before, unless it was with her assailants. Even her mother engendered disappointment and dejection rather than rage.
"I didn't know I had to," I said. "You gave me a key! I was bringing food for you!"
"Inés just left here!" Cici yelled, her cheeks flushed, but her forehead pale. "She might still have been in the parking lot when you came up! How is that going to look?"
"Not good," I admitted, "but I'm your girlfriend, Cici! I guess I thought that meant we were together! I've never been in the closet before! I forget how I'm supposed to behave."
That was an unfair jab. I knew it when I said it. Cici wasn't in the closet, not precisely, and she would hate being responsible for pushing anyone else in. But I really hadn't thought through the implications of being as open around her as I was in general.
The taunt had silenced Cici. She didn't seem to know what to say. I knew I'd hurt her, but didn't know how to make amends without compromising on principles that were important to her, not just me. She depended on me being strong and independent.
I took the groceries to the kitchen and put them away. For a moment, I thought about offering to return her key, but that would seem like I was breaking up with her, so I left it in my pocket.
"I'll call later, okay?" I said before leaving.
"Okay," said Cici, in the bleakest tone I'd heard.
When I called later that evening, the phone rang several times. I thought it was going to continue to voicemail, but I heard the line click before that happened.
"Sam," Cici said, in a resigned tone.
"I'm calling to apologize, Cici," I said. "I was thoughtless not to call ahead, and cruel to accuse you of making me hide."
"Why?"
"Why, uh, what, Cici?" I asked.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"Because I know that it's unfair of me to expect you to act a certain way with your family," I said. "I don't have the pressures on me that you do, and I don't need to understand them all to support you. Right now they have to be a part of your life. If I want to keep being part of your life I have to fit, not make demands. I love you, Cici."
"I love you, too," she said, and I could hear both warmth and pain in her words.
"I want to support you, Cici," I said. "Can you forgive me?"
"Yeah, I can," she said, though she didn't sound thrilled. "Will you spend the night on Saturday?"
"Of course, mi amor," I said.
On Saturday, I cooked the meal that I'd been intending when I brought groceries. Cici wasn't an experienced cook. She'd done what she needed to get through college. Now she could afford to stock her fridge with more and more varied ingredients, but after years of the simplest, cheapest meals, she didn't know what to do with them. So I was helping her with that.
It was late, because of my schedule, but she appreciated the gesture, and used the time to offer her own apology.
"I'm sorry, Sam," she said. "I'm sorry about getting angry. It wasn't about you. It was about me being scared. I love you. Te amo," she added, emphasizing her words. "That doesn't change because I sometimes have to prioritize my family."
"I know, honey," I said, my voice low. "It's really hard for you right now. I have to accept that. I want to be a supportive girlfriend, and I'm not doing a great job."
"You are, Sam," she said. "It's going to be okay."
"I saw Inés on the webcam once," I said. "I logged out immediately. I don't want to spy on you with your family."
"Thank you, Sam," she said. "I hope you still spy on me alone."
"I always text you when I do," I said. "I haven't since I fucked up. I didn't think you'd want me to see you angry."
Cici pursed her lips, then nodded. "I'm not angry, Sam. Please watch me again. If you want."
I learned more about Cici's dilemma just a couple of days later, on our third visit to Gabby's.
We were there with Ashley and Eileen, who'd also visited a few times since Christmas, though my visits had only coincided with theirs one time. Emma and Tiff said hi, but Kayla, Elaine's client with the oil slick hair, was marrying her fianceé Anita. Emma and Tiff were both in the wedding party, and their group was preoccupied with the wedding and planning parties and events, so they didn't stay around.
Grace had been invited to the wedding, but wasn't part of the wedding party, so she joined us, with Hayley and Ysabel. I'd introduced Hayley to Cici on our last visit, but Bel had been home.
"That was my last visit," she said. "My parents don't want me back."
She made a wry grin, rather than the look of pain that I saw in Cici's eyes when she considered family.
"Did you come out to them?" Cici asked.
Bel seemed startled for a moment. "No, they're fine with me. We live outside Portland, and there's been shit going on. They're worried about their jobs and their neighbors. Everyone says carry ID, but that only goes so far if your car was smashed open or you were dragged out of your house without being allowed to show it. My parents want me to stay far away."
"That's what scares Mamá, also," said Cici. "She thinks I'm in danger living on my own, but I'm sure I'm safer than she is. Papá is a citizen, but she's on a green card, and poor Inés, she tries to keep her home all the time."
"¿Tu hermana?" asked Bel. "¿Cuántos años tiene?"
"Sí, tiene diecisiete," Cici said. "She lets her go to her friends, and sometimes she comes to see me, but she has strict curfews, no sleepovers, phone in every few minutes, and it's driving her crazy. She did the same to me when Elián came out, but that was not about being scared, and I didn't often want to go out. I try to be there for Inés, but it's hard."
And by not wanting anything to do with her mother, I was probably making it harder. I should try to be more accepting.
The mood lightened soon after that, when we all got up to dance. Music was provided by a DJ playing high energy disco classics, which kept us all on the floor for most of the evening. We lost Eileen to a girl with dark curls, and when it was time to leave, Ashley asked if we could give her a ride, since Eileen had brought her.
Later in the week, I logged into Cici's camera. I didn't see any sign of Cici.
Me: "Did the camera move? The view changed."
Cici: "Are you stalking me again?"
She appeared on camera. She must have been in the kitchen. She was wearing a loose tee, shorts, and a huge smile, and my heart melted as it always did. I saw her typing on the phone.
Cici: "I taped the camera to a heavy plate so I can move it around and hide it if Inés visits. I can set it up by the window if you want to watch the pool when you're bored."
Me: "Like I said, only if you're down there in a skimpy bikini!"
On the Friday of that week I came over to make Cici's dinner. She'd been working at her new job for almost two weeks, and was enjoying it. I thought celebrating with a home-cooked meal in the home her salary would be paying for was a good choice. As soon as I left work I picked up braised pork chops I'd made and refrigerated the previous evening, bringing them with wine and vegetables to her place.
"¡Serás una esposa maravillosa para alguien!" she pronounced, when she finished eating.
I tried to work through that. "I will be a marvellous esposa... spouse? for someone?"
"Sí. Wife," she amended. "¡Gracias por una comida tan deliciosa!"
"Con gusto," I replied.
Cici's eyebrows rose. "You've been practising," she said.
"Mmm," I agreed. "You want to know what else?" When she gave me a quizzical look, I said, "Pronto comeré algo mejor." I could hear how terrible my accent was, but I was proud of putting that together earlier in the day.
Her face flushed. "You will, will you?"
"I hope so," I said. "After I wash the dishes."
"I will wash the dishes," Cici said. "You sit on my new couch. Ahora, soy la esposa."
She and Brooke had added a couch with chairs and a coffee table. They were comfortable. I sat as instructed, relaxing into the couch as I idly flipped through channels.
A few minutes later, having started the dishwasher, Cici took the remote from my hand, turned the TV off and sat on my lap, setting her glasses down on the end table.
I tried to kiss her, but she teased me, only letting her lips lightly brush mine, then nipping my upper lip between hers before drawing back. Kissing her was so different from our earliest times, half a year ago. She'd learned how to draw out my desire, and how to overwhelm my need. Now she was denying me, making me want more, and even as she made me reach for her, her fingertips played over my breasts, then lifted my top, tugging my bra up to circle my nipples with her thumbs.
She didn't let me undress her until I was completely topless, and as soon as I had her in the same state, she pressed a breast into my mouth, sliding her body against mine as I kissed and sucked. Her work skirt came off, then my jeans. She lay back against the arm of the couch. I lowered myself onto her. Her legs wrapped around me, and I kissed her again, loving the feel of her body molded to mine, her warm skin against my own.
We were both moaning softly when she drew her face from mine. "Llévame a mi cama, mi amor."
"Sí," I replied.
With my arms below hers, I stood. Her legs were still wrapped around me, and she laughed as I walked through to her bedroom, then deposited her on the bed, immediately lowering my face to her sex.
Running my tongue through the wetness, I caressed her puffy lips, then lapped at her clit, while she moaned my name and then mumbled a string of unrecognizable words. I couldn't understand them, but I didn't care. I knew what they meant - she wanted more of the same, so I slid a pair of fingers into her and stroked as I pleasured her with my mouth.
She wasn't the only one to spend more time teasing. As she'd become more comfortable with making love, I'd leaned more into denying her release until her needs were too intense to ignore. So when she tried to buck against my face, I backed away, to do nothing but caress her G-spot and watch her squirm.
Reaching out with my left hand, I lightly stroked her nipples. She gasped, then grabbed my hand and kissed my fingers. I drew it back to squeeze her breasts again. She cried out to her deity and tried to push herself against my hand. Then I ran my finger down her belly to her mons, and squeezed as I pressed my face back against her. She squealed as she came, and I held her passion for as long as I could.
Hours later, we were asleep in each other's arms when the doorbell rang. After it rang a second time, there was a rapping on the door. Cici woke and slid out of bed.
"What the hell?" I asked.
"I have no idea," she said, putting on her pajamas.
I thought of the fears she and her family had, but the knocking didn't sound like the heavy-fisted crash I'd expect of any kind of law enforcement. If they would even knock. "Want me to come?"
She shook her head. My clothes were in the living room anyway, except my panties, which I slipped on as Cici collected her robe. "Check who it is," I said. "Don't open the door. Remember the peephole."
She frowned at me. She knew what she was doing. Then she left the bedroom, closing the door behind her. I regretted not leaving spare sleepwear.
The night visitor must have been someone she knew, because I heard her open the door. I heard a girl's voice, though I couldn't make out the words, then the door closed, and Cici and the girl were talking. I could hear clearly now they were in the room.
They were speaking mostly English, but with occasional words or full sentences or more of Spanish, in the way two bilingual people who know each other well do. I heard the words "Mamá" and "boyfriend," and I realized it must be Cici's sister. Inés, that was her name.
Surprisingly, Cici seemed to be defending her mother as their voices rose. I heard her say, "What if you get pregnant?" and "You're still a minor!" while Inés yelled about being caged while all her friends were enjoying life.
There was a pause in the yelling, then I heard the visitor say, "O.M.G. No estás sola, ¿verdad?"
"No, there's someone here," said Cici.
"But you're not married, either!" Inés cried.
"No, but I am an adult," said Cici. "Soon you will be, too, and you will have to choose whether to follow Mamá's rules. I will be here for you, hermanita. I can help you find work, or loans for school, or you could stay with me if Mamá won't let you be free. We could put a bed in my study."
"Stay with you and your boyfriend?" Inés's tone was sarcastic. "Awks, much? Mira este desastre." There was a pause. Then Inés exploded. "¡Joder!"
I heard Cici yell, "Inés! No!" Then the bedroom door was wrenched open. I grabbed the top blanket from the bed and wrapped it around myself. Since the door opened from the far side I had just enough time. A girl I hadn't seen before strode in, her expression furious.
"¡Abominación!" she yelled. I didn't know if she meant me or Cici. "¡Tienes una puta en tu cama! Mamá said you were wicked when you chose our maricón brother over her! I didn't believe her!" That clearly was intended for Cici. "I didn't believe her!" she cried again, choking up.
"Inés, I'm gay," Cici said. She'd entered the room behind her sister, who had turned a look of hatred on her. "I always have been! I'm still your sister! I still love you!"
"¡No entiendes el amor! I don't want your kind of love!" She spat on the floor before Cici, then pushed past her, knocking her violently into the wall. I heard the door slam, then rapid footsteps descending the stairs.
Cici still leaned against the wall where she'd steadied herself. She looked stunned.
Still holding the blanket around myself, I took her arm and steered her to the living room, where I grabbed my bra from the couch, then lowered Cici to sit. Tossing the blanket over her knees, I hooked my bra in place, then sat beside her, wrapping my arms around her, with the blanket pulled high.
"Sam..." Her voice sounded like it was about to break. "What did I do?"
"Honey, it wasn't you," I said, softly. "Your mother has poisoned her. You tried. You tried to be there for her, mi amor. You did everything right."
She shook her head. "If I'd been honest with her, if I'd told Mamá... if she hadn't found out like this... You told me it would be bad."
"No, baby, you did nothing wrong. Anything you did could have gone the same way. It's your mother, and your minister - priest, bishop, whatever. It's the hate that sent Elián to the far side of the state. It's... honestly, I think it's the same hate that she's so frightened of, in a different form."
Cici didn't respond.
"You showed her love, honey. Before she - I guess she found the clothes, and realized they weren't a guy's? Before then. I heard you tell her she could stay with you. Maybe she'll remember that. Maybe she'll remember you didn't hate her. If you'd come out to your mother already she probably wouldn't have seen that love. So maybe this was for the best."
Cici had started to cry. I kept holding her. My bag was close, so I hooked it with my foot, picked it up, and handed her a tissue. When she'd wiped her face, I gave her the rest of the pack. "Wait here," I said, then left her side to brew her a herbal tea.
She didn't have any spirits in the apartment, so I added a little extra sugar and took it to her. She accepted it gratefully, holding it to sip occasionally while I held her.
The tension in Cici's shoulders implied that, like me, she was waiting for a second shoe to drop. It happened in the form of a call from her mother. She stood, freeing herself of the blanket . I heard her mother's voice pouring from the receiver. Cici managed to say, "Sí... sí..." a few times, then, "Sí, es verdad. Ella es mi novia." There was a moment's shocked silence from the phone, then the ranting resumed.
This time, Cici interrupted. "Mamá... Mamá... Adiós, Mamá."
The rant continued as she pushed the end call button.
"I should have done that before graduation," she said, her tone bleak.
The phone rang again. She silenced it, then folded her arms. Without looking up at me, she said, "You should go home. I think I need to be alone."
"I understand," I said, though her words sliced into me. I stood, then tried to hug her before leaving, but she was a statue, so I kissed her forehead. "Te amo con todo mi corazón," I said. Cici nodded once, then watched me leave through distant eyes.
In the morning I sent her a text before leaving for work.
Me: "Good morning, Cici. I love you."
Cici: "Thank you."
Me: "Please let me know if I can do anything to help. I want to be there for you."
Cici: "I know."
I kept checking my phone for more. After a time dots appeared, signaling that she was entering a message, but no new text arrived. Perhaps it was a misclick. It was so soon after our fight that I was fearful that this could spell the end of our relationship, and I was half expecting the next text to be Cici breaking up with me.
I was working on my first client when the message alert sounded, and I couldn't check my phone until I was done.
Cici: "I can't stop thinking how ten minutes before Inés arrived I was the happiest girl in the world. It would have hurt much less if I hadn't been so happy. Maybe it was undeserved."
Me: "Love, of course you deserve happiness. It wasn't your happiness that drove your sister away."
Cici: "But it was. If you hadn't been there, I could have talked her down."
I couldn't spend any more time texting right now, but Cici was hurting.
Me: "Do you know the coffee shop in the U district? It's on your bus route. I'm going to try to rearrange appointments to give me a couple of hours. Meet at 1:30? I'll text again if I can't."
Cici: "K"
Cici arrived soon after me. I'd ordered coffee for both of us, and was waiting at an outdoor table.
"How long do you have?" she asked.
"I need to leave at three," I said. "My three o'clock was very understanding. She decided she would prefer after hours anyway."
"Is she one of the ones you flirt with?" Cici asked.
I frowned. "Cici, you know..."
"Oh!" She interrupted me. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean that to sound jealous. I was just wondering if that might be why she's so agreeable." She gave a ghost of a smile. "I mean, I would be."
I returned her smile. "Well, then, yes, though she initiates. She's also very happily married. She just claims that she wishes her husband's fingers felt as good as mine. I tell her to send him to me for training, but she never does."
Cici gave me a weak grin.
"But I'm getting the impression that I'm partly responsible for what happened last night, mi amor. I don't think you're blaming me, but if there's anything I can do to help deal with your distress, I'd like to try. Even if it's keeping my distance. That's why I thought it would be better to talk about it in the middle of the day."
"I don't want that," Cici said. "It isn't your fault at all, and you make me strong. I'm just..."
I didn't interrupt her. Her hand rested on the table, and I wondered whether to reach out and take it, but I held back.
"When Mamá called, she yelled about the woman with chains on her face. Actually," she corrected, with a grimace, "the whore with chains on her face. Inés must have mentioned your piercings. So I think she blames you. And I don't know what to do about that. If she's fixated on someone 'leading me astray,' she's not going to believe I've always been gay. So it's making me regret more not coming out before. She would have hated me, but maybe I could have made a difference to Inés."
"I see," I said. "So I guess it's too late for me to make any better impression."
"Sí," she said. "Yes. I have to deal with what is. Which is all so much harder than it was even a few weeks ago. Not just family. I'm working now. I get up at dawn, catch a bus every day. I don't sit under my tree on the green and wave to my crush, who's stalking me. Everything's suddenly so much more serious. In a few weeks, I'll be working and studying full time. I'll be doing labs, and projects, and working on a dissertation. Finding a dissertation topic. I won't have time for anything. I won't have time for you, Sam, but I won't give you up. I can't."
This was the time to reach for her hand, so I did, encouraged by the firm squeeze she gave me as I took her hand in mine.
"It just came crashing down when I realized what I'd lost," she said. "It's time for me to learn to adult."
"I've had a few years of experience at that, honey," I said. "So has your best friend. We can help. And you and I can always find time to be together. I can bring food, or spend the night. I'll hold you, even if that's all you want."
"You tempt me to ask you to stay every evening, cariño," Cici said, lacing her fingers into mine. "But I think I need to be at peace with my life and my choices first."
On Sunday, Cici spent the day with Brooke. I didn't join them. After Friday night, she needed time with her best friend. Whatever they did - talking, shopping, drinking, watching cheesy movies, I had no idea - Cici seemed much more at ease in her text messages the next day. I was surprised that she wanted to go to Gabby's, but she seemed enthusiastic, so I quickly showered and changed after work, ate a few leftovers, then drove to pick her up.
Ashley and Eileen were present when we arrived. Hayley and Ysabel showed up without Grace, who'd apparently already been on the dance floor with a new girl when they arrived. Hayley pointed them out. They were easy to spot, Grace with her nearly white hair with blue and pink bands, and the newcomer, a tall girl with bright green streaks in her hair. No one remembered seeing her before.
Cici poured her heart out to Ysabel, who could relate to her family's attitudes, though her own had been far more accepting. When Cici complained that she'd never learned her mother's recipes, Bel offered to teach her, since she probably knew most of them, which resulted in the two of them planning to make a meal for us on the weekend.
"We might have to find a bigger table, mi amor," I said.
"TV trays," Cici said, instantly. "I'm sure we're all familiar with small apartment life."
The music was supplied by a different DJ from the previous week, a blonde woman in a translucent wrap, who was dancing behind the console to an industrial rave mix, though even the dance floor was too well lit for a rave atmosphere. We danced until it was time to leave. No one needed a ride, and no one commented on Eileen's unavailability last week. Sudden changes of plans weren't unusual at the club.
The weekend and night seemed to revive Cici's spirits. She wasn't over the loss of her family, and especially Inés, wondering aloud several times what she could have done differently, but she understood the loss was the result of their actions.
She was excited about her cooking date with Ysabel. I was disappointed that I couldn't help, but I'd be working Saturday, so I wouldn't be around.
When I made it to Cici's, the party was already in progress, Hayley, Ashley and Eileen having already arrived, and her apartment smelled divine. She and Bel had made carne en su jugo with rice and tortillas bought from the Mexican grocery. Bel said she could teach her to make tortillas, too, but they would be little better and just as expensive. Her mother also made tamales, but Bel refused to go to that much effort.
They'd spent the morning picking up spices and supplies along with the ingredients for this meal. Though Gabby's was infamous for hookups, it apparently also came through for genuine non-sexual friendships, too.
The meal was even better than it smelled, and Cici was excited to have achieved so much. It wasn't quite what her mother would have made, she said, but she was planning to experiment with the recipe, and Bel had turned her on to a YouTube channel that had many more familiar meals. Her bright eyes glowed when she told me what she planned. This from someone who, a few weeks ago, was an instant ramen cook.
She regretted not having bought a bigger table. She hadn't intended ever to entertain more than one or two at a time, but now she was excited to invite Brooke and others of her friend group.
When everyone else had left and the dishwasher was running, Cici leaned against me on the couch.
"You're not going home tonight," she said. It wasn't a question. She picked up the remote and started flipping through channels.
"I was planning to," I said, idly caressing her knees, which were exposed by her short skirt. "I didn't think you'd want me here."
She shook her head and kept changing channels until she landed on a medical drama. "I do want you here," she said, resting her head on my shoulder.
My fingers roamed higher, lightly caressing her inner thigh. "Seems you've uncovered a hidden talent," I said.
"Cooking?" Cici asked. "It wasn't hard. There's a lot to remember, but I'm good at remembering instructions and following them, or I would not be good at labs." I ran my fingertips over her other thigh, drawing figures with my short nails, still staying inches from the apex of her thighs.
Moving my fingers back to the closer leg, I drew long lines upward from her knee along the silky skin of her inner thigh, feeling her muscles tense slightly. "Ysabel said I was being too precise, that I should take quantities as suggestions," she continued. "That's hard for me, but I will experiment. You will be my test subject."
"Happy to help," I said. Her thighs shifted slightly in time to my long strokes, now. She had to be aware of her motion, but she made no comment. I let my fingers slide a little higher, until they were an inch or so from her pussy. Her thighs twitched when they reached the top of their travel, and I imagined I could feel her heat against my hand.
Cici's lips were parted, and though her eyes were tracking the action on the TV, I got the impression that she wasn't really taking it in. I could feel a slight movement of her hips now.
After a few minutes, she turned her head, her eyes catching mine. She pressed her lips to mine for a few seconds. Nothing more than the contact, but I felt the effect on myself from my belly to my toes. Then she leaned back, her head on my shoulder. "You're very distracting, you know," she murmured.
"I know," I replied, then lightly stroked the front of her pants. "And you're very wet."
"Tell me something I don't know," she retorted, quietly.
My fingers circled the front of her panties again, collecting moisture. I drew my now-damp fingertips over the crease of her thighs. Her breath caught before she kissed me again, her lips slightly parted, but again only for a few seconds before moving back.
Hooking my fingers into the waistband of her panties, I started easing them down. "I see," she murmured, then wiggled to let me get them off. I stroked her slick, swelling lips, eliciting a soft groan. Her closer hand wrapped around my thigh, gripping as her hips pushed her body forward again.
As I caressed her labia, Cici's face became a study in desire. Her eyes flicked to mine, and she licked her lips. I was certain that she would launch herself at me at any moment to satisfy her need to have her lips on mine, but she remained stoic, even as her breathing became heavier.
"Climb up onto the couch," I said. When Cici looked confused, I said, "Kneel on the couch. Face the corner and support yourself against it."
She still didn't seem to get what I was asking, but she followed instructions, bending forward to rest her arms on the back and arm of the couch, facing away from me. I licked my fingers, then lifted her skirt, reaching beneath her to draw them over her labia. She shuddered and began to pant. After a few minutes, she was moaning with arousal at each touch.
Turning my hand around, I carefully pushed two fingers into her passage. She cried out as I stretched her. Once I was fully inside her, I sought out her G-spot and began to rub. Cici lowered her chest to the back of the couch, parting her legs and groaning with each touch.
I began to draw my hand back, then push it in. Her body started to move against me, pushing back against my hand as I thrust into her. Minute by minute her cries became louder.
Sliding my free hand up inside her shirt, I pushed her bra aside and pinched her nipple, tugging it away from her chest. She cried out and slammed herself into my hand. I held back what she needed, though, slowing my movements until she whimpered. Her cries were reaching a crescendo. She had already slipped beyond the point of resisting her orgasm when I stopped moving, drawing out the time until I felt her passage begin to twitch, on the edge of surrender. Then I thrust again, hard and fast.
She yelled my name as her sex clenched around my fingers. I flattened my palm against her breast, kneading it, as her body pulsed violently. But I kept pumping my fingers into her, gripping her breast. Barely had the contractions begun to fade than she clamped my fingers again, as she came hard for a second time.