It's good to have spam-free email flowing again, for the first time in so many years. Last night I had two messages from readers, both saying something very similar: let the site stay, even if it isn't the most up-to-date layout. One preferred that I don't update the appearance; that it has its own class in its own traditional / primitive style. There might be something to that.
The other made a point about how so much of the web is disappearing, being replaced with slick new sites, and I recalled my own disappointment over the demise of The Spot way back in 2000. So, okay, it was a soap opera, not high art, but it was still an important part of web history.
As I said in my reply, "... but [it] was always a fun place to visit, and one source of inspiration for keeping my journal. When I made the entry, I mentioned that I expected it to return, even just as an archive - because how could something so significant be lost to us forever? It has never returned, and even though I know it was all an elaborate work of fiction, and even though in the end it became much less than it once had been, I have always regretted not being able to return to the earlier days and discover older storylines of Carrie and Tara and company."
It doesn't seem possible to find much of The Spot's past even at The Wayback Machine. So a key part of the story of the web is gone forever - a story that influenced a lot of later web development, including my own site, especially this journal, which was largely inspired by The Spot's entries.
My own influence is obviously not very significant, but the idea that others might be be disappointed by its loss the way I'm disappointed by The Spot's demise - that saddens me, and I realize I'm not ready to go there, yet. Eventually - well, everything has to end, but I think I'll keep my own tiny little part of history alive for a while longer.
No, I have no intention of keeping the journal updated daily, or even close to it, but I've been silent for so long that I have a lot to catch up with.
Before I do, it seems that I missed the window that was part of my original motivation to take the site down. helen.org is now running on a new system, with a faster network connection - and completely without my involvement. I'd expected to have to do a lot of work rewriting scripts, but I've been assured that there was minimal effort. Everything "just worked." I've looked around and don't see any problems - if there are, please email me. The site is certainly a lot more responsive.
I mentioned that I wasn't done talking about Yolanda and Laurel, and why I've never let them talk me into spending quality time with them both together. God knows, they've tried. I've admitted to them that I'm maybe more conventional in some ways than I usually claim to be, but that's only a part of it.
The thing is, what they have intimidates me. It's hard even to call it love, or affection, or any traditional bond. It's less like love, at least from what we outsiders see, and more like gravity. As if the attraction between them is a natural force.
When they play their joint-flirting games, or any of their double acts, for that matter, you wouldn't know from the way they act quite what they are to each other. They don't flirt with each other. They don't even act especially affectionately towards each other. But if you look a little closer, that lack of affection shows you something else. In spite of not overtly communicating with each other, they stay in sync no matter what outrageous improvisation one of them decides upon. They act less like a team than an individual.
They are so close that they have no need to acknowledge the fact. They trust each other so completely that they have no jealousy of each other. The first time I saw Yolanda with a guy, I didn't know what to make of it. I'd been suspecting that the two were a couple, and I thought that proved me wrong. In a way, it proved that they are, but not as I would have understood it at that time.
They have their fun with others, singly or as a pair, but it doesn't come between them. I've no need for guilt or regrets about borrowing Laurel occasionally, and I've always known that. I wish I could be as detached and uninhibited as they are - and I think I'm more liberated than most in terms of relationships. But they're free - not in spite of their ties to each other, but because of them, and because of their complete trust.
Which isn't to say that they are always in perfect agreement, or that they are mind readers - if either of those had been true, they wouldn't have avoided me after Brian left. But it's still that gravity between them, the almost perfect partnership, that makes them able to be such amazing individuals.
That force between them - I just have a feeling that if I get too close, I'll get burned. As individuals, there's no problem, but as a couple - I'd be on the outside, wishing I had what they have. Or they'd let me in, for a time, and I'd always wish I could get back. I don't know which alternative makes me more nervous.
While I can't claim that I'll be as committed to adding new stories as I once was, I have another one in mind. Of course, I was never especially prolific, even back in the late 90s. I read notes I've left here saying about a new story I'd started writing, and in many cases they took months, or didn't happen. Some, I don't even remember the premise.
The bike ride story took four years from inception to upload. Maybe longer, because I'm sure I was thinking about it before I mentioned it in the journal. I hope I can do better than that.
Breaking news! Clarice called mid-morning to tell me that she and Rob are coming here next week. Rob has an interview, and Clarice has arranged to meet with her old employer, so they're taking a week's vacation.
She tells me that Rob had been intending to find a hotel, but she knows me too well, and figured she should ask me first. Of course I want them to stay with me. What is my idiot brother thinking?
Days like these past few make me glad that I haven't traded in my old Miata. It's getting expensive to drive, but it's worth it.
Rob and Clarice (and little Mara, of course) arrive in the wee hours Saturday. I'm expecting them here around 5 am. I hope my brother isn't expecting to spend much time with his wife, because I'm planning to steal her at every opportunity. We have a lot of catching up to do.
They're here! It's so good to see them. Rob's gained a few pounds - not that he's overweight, but he's definitely looking more middle-aged than when I last saw him. Clarice is just like I remember. She's lost the weight she gained when she was pregnant with Mara.
Speaking of Mara Helen, she's great. She's six now, and very full of herself. She's been bossing us all around all day.
We did hope to see the twins tonight, but Laurel was out at some writers' convention. Tomorrow's looking good, though.
Long entry today, I think. We did get to see the twins last night.
The convention that Laurel was at, that kept us from seeing them on Saturday - it turns out that the evening session was on writing erotica. Not the whole con, just the last hour that she stayed for.
This was about writing for professional publication, not the kind of work I do. She says she was surprised at how many people at this con claimed to write erotica. (Since that wasn't the con's primary focus.)
I made no comment, though I did offer to help proof anything she writes :) Not sure if she will, or if it was just a session she attended in passing.
We left Mara with Rob. The twins were disappointed. They had wanted to meet her.
"I want my niece to grow up normal," I told them. "As normal as she can with the parents she has, anyway." (Clarice, who was sitting between the twins on the couch, snorted.) "You'd be a bad influence on her."
Laurel pouted. "As if we'd corrupt a child."
"Not deliberately," I said, "but all the innuendo towards Clarice and me. You'd give her the wrong idea."
"So you left her behind to give us a free hand?" Yolanda smirked. "How considerate." She leaned forward to look past Clarice at Laurel. "Whaddya fink, melady? Bofe togevver, or one each?"
"You don't know how much I've missed you guys." Clarice broke in, shaking her head and grinning.
"Blimey," said Yolanda, "I fink she finks we're 'avvin' 'er on."
"Hevving her orn?" said Laurel. "Ay'll hev her orn, orl right. Aynd get her orf, too."
"Enough," I laughed. "Clarice is happily married, and I'd never be able to explain to my brother how you stole her away."
"I guess you'll have to substitute for both," Yolanda said, dropping the fake accent.
"Rain check?" I offered, and Yolanda laughed.
"Are you holding at one kid?" Yolanda asked, later. "I thought you wanted a big family."
"I wanted two, or maybe three," Clarice answered. "I still do. It didn't happen before we had to leave, and out there - God, everything's so expensive, and we went from two incomes to one. So we put our plans on hold. That's one of the reasons we'd like to move back."
"You really think you will, then?" I asked.
"I hope so," she replied. "Rob does too, though he has more friends out there, and I'm sure he'll be taking a big pay cut. We'll just have to see how things work out."
"Well, I'm selfish," I said, "so I hope you do." I waved my hand at the couch. "Besides, I need you back. Look at the kinds of friends you left me."
Laurel leaned close to Clarice, and in a loud stage whisper said, "That's not what she says in the heat of the moment."
"Nope," agreed Yolanda.
I rolled my eyes and poured more drinks. For those three, anyway. I was playing designated driver.
Since they were so disappointed about not getting to see Mara, I've invited them over Wednesday. I made them promise to be on their best behavior, though who knows what that will mean to the twins :)
Though I'm half-heartedly working on my new story, it's going to have to take a back-burner this week.
Rob's interview took place yesterday. They want him to visit again later in the week. It's looking pretty good.
Clarice is out with the people from her old employer. She's spent the whole day with them, and they're taking her out to drinks and dinner tonight. I don't know if that's just for socializing, or if they're trying to re-recruit her. Mara is here with Rob and myself, finding all kinds of trouble to get into.
As for me - I managed to sneak some time working on my latest story during a forecasting meeting. It certainly made the meeting more interesting.
I'm considering dropping the journal in favor of a WordPress blog. Not so much for ease of maintenance or presentation as for the ability to post comments. I'm not sure yet whether I want to make the change. The biggest downside is the organization of a "traditional" blog. It's in inverse date order, and posts scroll off after a fixed number, rather than by date.
When I designed the journal, back when I maintained it in FrontPage, I considered adding new entries at the top. I decided against it, because I wanted it to read like a story, chronologically. You can start at any point and progress forward to today.
With WordPress, you'd always be starting with the most recent, and only visiting older entries if you have the interest. It would be very difficult to read it in chronological order.
On the other hand, I'm not planning to maintain the journal with the regularity as I used to - nor with the more intimate details that made the journal more of a story. So I'm tempted to make the switch, but still leave the old entries online in their current form.
Please let me know what you think.
I have a recommendation. I haven't done this before - I certainly haven't done this before for erotica - but I'm going to recommend a book.
At the twins' place was a comic book that I picked up idly and started leafing through. Yolanda loaned it to me, because I wanted to read the entire thing. The title says it all, really, and it's completely perfect for the book. I have linked it on my recommendations page. I've already ordered my copy. It's on a truck in Memphis at the moment, according to the tracking number.
(Update: I don't like to change past journal articles, but since Amazon now has the book in stock, and I can link it at my recommendations page, I changed the previous paragraph to reflect this.)
This is a very explicit comic book, which normally wouldn't appeal to me at all, except that it is so light-hearted and fun.
I've found a good review of it online here. The page that they show on the right is close to the only one in the book that doesn't have any explicit content, but it gives a good feel for the tongue-in-cheek humor throughout the book.
My own summary: Annie, with an overcharged erotic fantasy life, is given a guardian by the queen of her conscience. The guardian, Nibbil, is a six-inch tall fairy-like girl. The queen's intention is to curb Annie's appetite, but when Nibbil turns out to be Annie's equal in lust (especially for pretty girls), things go in entirely the other direction. The two spend the rest of the book finding different ways to satisfy their mutual desires.
What makes it so entertaining, and raises it above ordinary "porn" is the humor and affection between the girls, which makes the light-hearted sex very sensual for all it is so explicit. Nibbil can be Annie's size, but some of the things the six-inch "guardian" gets up to are also very erotic.
I can't imagine many women who would read this comic and not want their own Nibbil.
I've decided to try the blog approach. If it doesn't work out, I can copy entries back to this script. That wouldn't be hard. But it would be nice to allow feedback again.
So this will be the last journal entry, as such, as long as the blog works out okay. From now on, please look for updates here.
(Update: obviously it isn't. Now read on...)